To Be Needed
by mangyhalfbreed
Summary: Albus Dumbledore is dead. Tonks grieves while trying to cope with her own broken heart before being approached by a regretful Remus.


_This isn't real..._ Tonks thought dazedly, tear tracks clearly visible when contrasted with the skin of her flustered cheeks as she wandered the castle grounds in shock. It was dark and deserted, all of the students and staff now indoors. The madness finally seemed to calm itself. Albus Dumbledore was dead and none other than Severus Snape had murdered him. Granted, Tonks never particularly liked Snape. Would go so far as to say that she hated the bastard. But she _had _respected his work for the Order. And to be betrayed in such a way, to lose their leader? It was literally too much for her to process.

Albus aside, everyone had made it out of the Battle of The Astronomy Tower alive. For that, at least, Tonks was grateful. Bill Weasley had been mauled by none other than the infamous Fenrir Greyback. Although heavily scarred, he's relatively unscathed. He'll make it.

First Sirius, now Dumbledore. Who next? Would it be her? Or worse,_ Remus?_ She froze at the thought. That was too painful, too earth shattering to even contemplate. She'd barely seen hide nor hair of Remus in months and the few glimpses she has caught of him have been none too pleasant. He'd grown so thin during his stay in the werewolf camps. So thin, so pale... So devoid of happiness. He no longer acts as the Remus Lupin she's come to know and love, but rather a shell of his former self. A shell who's determined to keep her out of his life and his heart no matter what the cost.

_"But I don't care, either! I don't care! I've told you a million times..."_ Nymph had protested wildly merely a half an hour or so ago. She meant it. She meant it _desperately_. Why can't Remus see that? Did he honestly believe she could move on? That she could ever love _anyone_ other than him? __

If only it were that simple.  


Fleur and Bill are to be married. Fleur, a beautiful, intelligent woman cares less of his scars. She loves Bill for his heart - his courage, the goodness inside of him. Meanwhile the exact same thing can be said for Tonks. Yet when she tried to make Remus see sense he simply dismissed her words and told Tonks hollowly that 'the situation is different.' How? She thought. How is it different in any way? It's not! Not at all! You prick... she thought miserably, feeling a fresh batch of hot tears sting her eyes.

She came to an abrupt halt and took a seat in the grass, bringing her knees up to her chest and wrapping her arms around them, her mousy brown hair an utter rats nest thanks to the earlier scuffling. Brown... how horribly it suits her. Life without Remus isn't very colorful, though.

No color. Black, grey, white, beige. That's all there is in a world without him beside her. Tonks lowered her head and cried, body visibly trembling. Oh, god, it hurts. It hurts so much. The pain in her heart since Remus left her hasn't disappeared in the slightest. The dull ache is always there, always mocking her.

She felt a large hand suddenly gently grip her shoulder and she stiffened. Not out of fear, however. She knew this touch. "Just leave me alone, Remus. I know you don't want me - I know you don't love me." She snarled, yanking out of his grasp, unsure if she believed her words entirely or not. At this point she's feeling generally defeated... If Remus refuses to accept that she adores him with every fiber of her being, that she will follow him to Hell and back, then he'll_ never_ see it. She won't give up on him but she knows she isn't strong enough to argue about this tonight. No, not tonight.

Truth be told she is a bit angry with him. He's lied not only to her but to himself as well. He refuses to allow himself an ounce of happiness. He assumes that because she's 'young,' that she hasn't thought things through and will throw her life away by associating with him. She's sick of being patronized. She may not be old or even wise, but Nymphadora Tonks _knows_ what love is. She could feel Remus' eyes on her but refused to meet his gaze. "Y-you know how I feel! I can't do this. I can't fight about it with you anymore!" She sobbed helplessly.

Remus ignored her. He maneuvered himself so that his long arms basically encased Tonks' petite frame and he pulled her close, practically crushing her to him. "Neither can I," he murmured brokenly, letting her cry into his chest once she finally gave in and turned towards him, embracing the werewolf with all of her might.

He pulled back and took her face into his hands while forcing her to look at him. Dark, brown eyes met oceanic blue and there were several moments of uninterrupted silence that followed. He couldn't stand this. "No more lies," he said slowly, shakily. "Never again." Remus' lips were crashed onto her's within the next moment. He kissed her with such a powerful desperation that it made her head spin. Lupin was showing her just how much he has _missed her,_ how these months of no contact, not being able to even_ see_ her had nearly driven him mad. He felt his protective wall slowly crumbling, he could feel his world filling with color once more. He could feel her love for him.

One hand slid to the back of her skull and cradled it gently as he tilted her head up. Tonks gave no signs of protest. In fact, she seemed to only be feeding into the fire, losing herself entirely. "_Dora,_" he panted between kisses, his heart beating insanely. "Oh, Dora, I love you," he said against her lips and Tonks released a sigh of the utmost relief. "_I love you,_ I missed you so much," he kissed her harder. "And I need you with me," another kiss. The kisses slowed gradually and he peered down into her heart-shaped face, brushing away her tears with the pad of his thumb. Tonks was speechless, unsure of what had changed Remus' mind or brought on this spur of affection.

"I'm sorry. I am sorry for everything I've put you through. But you must know that I thought it was for your own good.. That I never wanted to hurt you, ever. I meant what I said. I need you, Dora," he swallowed hard, a bit unsure of how to proceed. And I think you may need me, too, he thought. I'm only now just allowing myself to see the truth; what's been in front of my face this entire time.

Tonks gave a small, watery smile. "It's alright. I suppose everyone gets to lose their mind now and again. Sirius always told me it's the quiet ones you have to watch out for," she said teasingly and shot him a pointed look. He chuckled weakly under his breath. The sight caused her hair to morph into a deep, dark purple. A far ways off from pink but still a much needed improvement.

Remus smiled in return and stared at her in complete adoration. Nymphadora Tonks is the keeper of his heart, the love of his life. He came to the realization that nothing and no one can change that - no one can even come close to her. Moony suddenly took hold of her shoulders once more and stared at her evenly before he felt something leap in his chest.

"Marry me," he said strongly, unable to stop himself.


End file.
